The Holidays: The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly

This will act as my update post since I have been inactive for about a month, and while I want to catch the site up on my latest life events, I also want to talk about my experiences of this year's holiday season.

So, first off, I got engaged this December. And while I am the happiest I have ever been since my fiance has agreed to spend the rest of her life with me, but there is newfound complexity in the whole arrangement. And, of course, it would be very easy to talk about all of the good stuff, but I think there is more merit to pondering over the strange parts of reaching a new stage in life.

One thing I have realized that caught me by surprise was the immediate change in how you view your own relationship. Not in a bad way, but at least for me, an abstract sense of change in our relationship made it feel more real. And that's not me saying that it wasn't real in the first place; it obviously was since we decided to take the next step, but what I mean by "more real" is that I believe there is a cultural belief that is deeply engrained into most everyone on what marriage means; it's a huge step toward "adulthood." And while I don't disagree, the idea changes how everything feels. One example I can think of to put it more into perspective is the title change between her and me. I no longer call her my girlfriend; instead, she is now my fiance. It's small, but it has a sizeable psychological change. Our language defines us, so using a title that carries more weight forces you to feel that weight on yourself, trying to be the best fiance you can be, but you also feel it on your partner. They linguistically hold more value in your life; they verbally agreed to be your other half, and that's not to be taken lightly.

This is just something I've noticed, but needless to say, I am very excited about what the future holds for us.

So, the engagement was the first thing that happened in December that sparked my hiatus, but right after we got engaged, we went on a trip to Orlando to celebrate. We were

out there for a week, and it was the best vacation I have ever had. Spending that time with my fiance (see what I'm saying) was the most fun I have ever had. I think the trip in whole brought us closer together and gave us a chance to start experiencing new things as a pair, which isn't always easy as 20 year olds. But once again, it comes with a caveat: I became extremely behind in school. So, an extraordinary thing quickly became very stressful. No matter what, I made it through, and I'm still alive, but the stresses of school compounded quickly with the stresses of Christmas, which was practically a week after returning from Orlando.

Christmas 2023 was good, and I can say that now that it has passed. But the lead-up to it wasn't fun. More stress, more money spent, changes in routine, eating poorly, not exercising consistently, and figuring out where you'll be and with whom on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day all lead to a very stressful "adult" holiday season. Now, I've noticed for the last couple of years that Christmas is not as fun as it used to be, and there are a number of reasons for that, but this year was a further step in that direction. The magic has gone, and I don't want it to be that way, but since moving out and going to college, life has been too chaotic to care about holidays. For the last two years, I have gradually cared less and less about even my birthday and have found it exponentially harder to get into the spirit. With this realization, I have decided to attempt to reverse those feelings. I don't know how I will, but once you realize that these are side effects of stress and maturity, then you can realize that those feelings are superficial. No law states growing up means holidays have to suck. What you put in is what you'll get out.

New Year's was the least of my worries this holiday season. I had a very fun weekend and got to hang with my oldest friend. But with that being said, it was still a holiday, which meant poor dieting and struggling to find my routine again. It's now three days after the end of the year, and I am still working on returning to the normal habits that I worked so hard to set up last year. And let this be known, routine and I don't get along, so once anything in my life gets out of whack, everything does.

But no matter what, I'm going to figure life out. It's a new year, and I feel as if I am in a better spot in life than I have ever been. For the first time, I am looking positively toward this new year. I will be getting married, I will be 21 in less than a month; and through the good habits I formed in 2023, I have the foundation to get a lot done this year. I'm looking forward to the new hockey seasons I will be playing in next week, and I plan to try to get in even more shape this year. I have much to look forward to and hope to get more involved with the projects I want to pursue in 2024. And with that being said, I have a couple of things I will be working on for the next couple of days. Hopefully, I will release a review for Wonka (2023) today since I went to see it yesterday with my fiance (it's still weird). I also have a couple of ideas for things I'd like to draw/photograph to put on some shirts and hoodies. Other than that, I hope to write a story soon, but I have been struggling to find the time. Not to mention, I will most likely be spending a lot of time revising the short stories in my anthology that I plan to release this month. So there is a lot to look forward to.